Burnout isn’t a badge of honor — it’s a warning sign. Too many women build their businesses at a pace that costs them peace, sleep, or connection.
In this episode, we’re talking about how to build rhythms that honor your capacity, your faith, and your current season — so your business can grow without draining you.
We’ll cover:
- Ways to stay consistent across changing seasons
- How to notice when your capacity is slipping
- What boundaries look like in real life (not theory)
- How faith and emotional health anchor your energy
Links Mentioned:
This week’s free action guide: Boundaries & Balance In Business
Join the Soulful Strategy Business Facebook Community:
www.smartbusiness.thrivecart.com/soulful-strategy-community
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Listen On:
004: How to Build a Business Without Burnout (Faith + Strategy That Works)
Becky Brown 0:01
If you’re a Christian woman building a business and want it to be purposeful and profitable, we’ve got you covered. I’m Becky.
Laurie Graham 0:08
And I’m Laurie. We have both built successful businesses that we love without losing our faith, humor, or our sanity. This is Smart, Soulful Business.
Becky Brown 0:17
Real conversations to help your business fit your life and not the other way around.
Laurie Graham 0:21
Hey, hey, welcome back to smart, soulful business with Becky and Laurie. I’m Laurie.
Becky Brown 0:31
And I’m Becky. Together, we’re figuring out how to grow a business that actually fits your life—with faith, with purpose, and at a pace that doesn’t burn you out.
Laurie Graham 0:41
You know, as we talk about burnout today, I just want to say it doesn’t always show up in dramatic ways. Sometimes burnout is really subtle: the late-night overthinking that you’re going to push through, or even realizing you’ve run out of emotional margin, but you keep showing up. So, burnout doesn’t have to be dramatic, as we jump into this topic today.
Becky Brown 1:02
It’s so true, and a lot of us were never taught how to pace ourselves when it comes to business, and when it comes to life, and faith, and all of those things colliding in one place. It’s not just about doing less; it’s about learning your capacity and working within it.
Laurie Graham 1:20
Exactly. And today, we’re going to talk about how to build a business that protects your energy and honors the season that you’re in. Becky and I talk about this a lot, whether you’re raising littles, walking through big life changes, or if you’re just plain tired.
Laurie Graham 1:34
Now, Becky, I feel like we just jumped into this without any context to what our podcast is even about! Sometimes, you all, wherever you’re listening from, Becky and I, we just talk before we hit record. If you’re coming in new, Becky and I started this podcast, Smart, Soulful Business, for Christian women building businesses, no matter where you’re at, because we are still in it. Both of us have been running businesses for a few years—not just what you’re listening to now, we have things on the side that are much bigger than what you’re actually listening to right now—but we decided to come together because we see all those struggles out there. We wish there had been more of us when we started, right? Like somebody that was really speaking into the faith edge, but in a smart way. Becky, do you want to add anything else as an intro? I realized we just jumped the gun and started talking about burnout.
Becky Brown 2:27
Yeah, well, and I think the most important thing to know is that we’re both in it.
Becky Brown 2:32
I mean, I am raising two littles, and I don’t have capacity. I don’t have extra time. I don’t have space for this business and these businesses in my life. And yet, we’re figuring this out, and we’re successful in doing this thing. It’s not perfect, but we are figuring out, like you said, there are not a lot of resources out there that acknowledge that business doesn’t happen in a bubble.
Becky Brown 2:59
Your faith is not in a separate category than your business and your life, your kids, your other ministries. These things are not in separate boxes; they’re intertwined. And we just wanted to acknowledge all of those things in one place and talk about balance. It’s not this perfect place that you’re going to hit, but we just wanted to address it and talk about it.
Laurie Graham 3:21
And I love that you even just kind of went there with the whole faith and Jesus stuff. Because in my other business, I talk a lot about Jesus frosting. I hate Jesus frosting. And recently, somebody said, “What do you mean by that? What are you talking about?” because I just throw it around, like toxic positivity or throwing Scripture verses on things.
Laurie Graham 3:40
But I think it fits to kind of just unpack that for a minute here before we jump into burnout. Because one thing is that when we say we’re Christians, or we’re talking to Christian women, a lot of times people are looking for a Bible study or all the Scripture fixes, right? And you’re not really going to hear that from Becky and I. You’re going to hear Scripture. You’re going to hear us talk about our faith and how much we love Jesus, but you’re going to hear a lot of smart business strategy. And I think the way I said this to somebody the other day when they asked me is, for me, Jesus is already baked in.
Becky Brown 4:11
I love that!
Laurie Graham 4:13
Everything as we talk, as we share, as we ask questions, like Jesus is a given because He’s already in the dough—He’s baked in, yeah.
Laurie Graham 4:22
And so I think that’s one of my desires: that that would always be apparent, even if you and I aren’t leading people through a Bible study today—of “Exodus says this,” and “Psalm says this,” and “This is how you’re supposed to run your business.”
Laurie Graham 4:33
Please understand that wherever you’re listening from, Becky and I love Jesus deeply. We love the Word deeply. We take Scripture very seriously. We take our faith really seriously. And we’re going to talk about business.
Laurie Graham 4:48
All right, anything else, Becky, before I jump in?
Becky Brown 4:51
No, that sounds great. Let’s do it.
Laurie Graham 4:52
Okay, cool. All right.
Laurie Graham 4:56
We’re talking about burnout today because it’s common, it’s normal, and it’s not always a dramatic thing. It’s something that most people—I think I could say this—most people, in general, whether you have a business, a family, or you’re involved heavily in church ministry, there’s a subtle, almost lurking tension. We’re always on the edge of capacity, and sometimes over it. So, as we talk about burnout, I think this applies to every one of us all the time, and that’s why we’re talking about this.
Laurie Graham 5:31
Most burnout actually starts because we stop noticing what our bodies and our emotions are honestly already telling us. We get into this autopilot and just stop noticing things. This is because our capacity isn’t fixed. I think this is one of the things that we’ll talk about throughout this episode. We feel like we have this flat line, like we can plan our schedule and our capacity is just what it is.
Laurie Graham 5:56
This is so not true. It shifts with our seasons. It shifts with our sleep. It shifts with stress, with relationships, with what your neighbor just did, with a dog barking. Our capacity is dynamic; it changes all the time.
Laurie Graham 6:12
And so I think it’s really important to understand that burnout really slips in when we stop noticing our own capacity, which is apparent in our body, with our emotions, and with how we’re thinking. And we stop noticing it.
Laurie Graham 6:29
But, Becky, let’s get super practical. What is one time that you realized your capacity had changed, but your expectations hadn’t changed with your capacity? Does that question make sense to you?
Becky Brown 6:44
Yeah, absolutely. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And I mean, I think I have a pretty dramatic example. This is a really important part of my story in this season.
Becky Brown 6:54
When I got pregnant with my first son a little over six years ago, I got hit with debilitating insomnia; my body just kind of stopped sleeping. (I wrote the whole story in a post on my blog, if you want to find it on So Very Blessed, just search for “insomnia.”)
Becky Brown 7:09
It was pretty dramatic. I had a lot of 20-minute nights and [was thinking], “How am I going to survive another day, Lord? What is this? How am I even going to live, much less run multiple businesses?”
Becky Brown 7:23
During that pregnancy, I was not only keeping up with multiple businesses, but I was also prepping for my postpartum leave of those businesses so that I could take some time off with my newborn. I was running a membership. I was writing and scheduling blog posts. I was writing and scheduling emails ahead of time. I had customer service emails. I was designing T-shirts. I had this long list of things that—my business demands didn’t change, even though my capacity greatly diminished overnight.
Becky Brown 7:57
It was really hard. I am a planner. I like predictability and knowing what’s coming and being prepared for what’s coming, and there was no way to prepare for this insomnia that hit me so drastically and changed my life so drastically. It changed every relationship. It changed my business. It changed everything in my life, instantly, and there was no way to prepare for that. That really threw me, and I didn’t know how to manage it well.
Becky Brown 8:23
In my business, I didn’t know… I’m a pretty structured, disciplined person, and so I kept trying to kind of function like insomnia wasn’t there. I kept trying to do the same thing I was doing pre-insomnia, and it didn’t work.
Becky Brown 8:44
Didn’t work.
Laurie Graham 8:45
Okay, this is so interesting as you share this because I think you got this piece of varying capacity and planning before I did. You taught me this. So it’s funny to hear you say, “I was hanging out on my plan.” I was, because you’re the one who started telling me, “Yeah, maybe don’t plan for a whole quarter; maybe detail plan for this week, because we don’t know what’s happening.” And I pushed back on that a lot with you. I’m like, “No, I’m gonna have my plan.” And so, even though you were going through all that, you still taught me this ahead of time, before I caught it.
Laurie Graham 9:19
And I think even as you’re talking, I have like… so, just jot these down, Becky, because you keep track of this. I have like, other podcast episodes coming up. I’m like, “You’re gonna have to do, we’re gonna have to do a whole podcast episode about planning your postpartum break,” because you did that. You were a rock star; you and other women need to hear that.
Laurie Graham 9:38
And I think also, our cycles vary on certain weeks. Literally, biologically, we are more creative versus more grounded, versus more relational, versus more tender, versus more… you know, like. And I think those are such big pieces as we talk about capacity. Absolutely, they are. And I think the big thing, just if you’re listening right now, is to understand your capacity changes. Yeah, and I think that’s a gift. I don’t think it’s a… I think sometimes I look at things like, “Oh, it’s such a limitation. I hate, yeah, I’m so frustrated by that,” you know. And I think if we could see that as a gift… What were you going to say? Like, why is this a gift?
Becky Brown 10:21
Like, yeah, and I think that you have to pair it with recognizing it. You talked about this earlier: it’s noticing. You have to notice.
Becky Brown 10:31
We’re really good in this society about minimizing and ignoring things. So we think, “Oh, I’m going to put on the ‘Jesus frosting,’ and I’m going to paste a smile on my face. I’m going to say, ‘Jesus is good,’ and I’m just going to function like usual,” like this big, huge elephant in the room is not here.
Becky Brown 10:49
That is not how we’re called to live. We’re called to recognize the elephant in the room, to name the elephant in the room, and to say, “Jesus, this elephant is too big for me. Can you please help me? I don’t even know how to navigate this.”
Becky Brown 11:04
It’s this living surrendered that is how we’re called to live in our businesses, too, and in our lives, as our capacity shifts. We were not meant to do it all on our own, which for somebody highly structured, disciplined, and planned, that is a tough thing to get through to me, because discipline makes us feel like we can do it on our own sometimes, and it’s not true.
Laurie Graham 11:27
Yeah, and I am a “push through, suck it up, get it done” person—or I have been in my past—and that has shifted a lot, you know.
Laurie Graham 11:34
One word that was popping in my mind while you were speaking is begrudging. I begrudge it when my capacity shifts. I think when we learn to embrace that, this is where we get soulful business—not just smart business, but smart and soulful business.
Laurie Graham 11:51
I know this week in my life, I wanted to spend some time talking with somebody, and they’re like, “No, no, no, don’t put off your to-do list for this.” And I’m like, “No, this is more important.” This relationship, this conversation, trumps my business. It’s more important; it’s worth putting off my schedule
Laurie Graham 12:14
I think once we recognize that our capacity is shifting, and it’s a gift—don’t begrudge it. Our capacity is changing, our priorities are shifting, something’s happening. Then we can start setting boundaries that support it, instead of expecting ourselves to function like machines, right?
Becky Brown 12:33
And that is something that you have really helped me with, because you see it. I talk to Laurie almost every day of the week—well, every day of the week—and it helps to have somebody reflect back to you.
Becky Brown 12:47
Living on those 20-minute nights, I mean, I was living at my edge. I was living at my breakdown point for years, and I’m still living with crazy insomnia. I’m just not living at the breakdown, fragile point anymore. But you were the one that helped me recognize, “Hey, you’re getting close. What are you going to do differently? How are you going to take care of yourself today?”
Becky Brown 13:08
And I actually want to ask you that now. What are the signs for you? How do you know when you’re nearing your edge—when it’s time to slow down before it gets to the unhealthy thing that I just described, like just functioning like this huge elephant isn’t there? Yeah.
Laurie Graham 13:25
You know, it’s so easy for me to recognize now. And I think I spent fifty years of my life just pushing through and, and, you know, getting everything done around me—over-functioning.
Laurie Graham 13:34
And I recognize immediately, all the time, I just feel anxious. I start spinning. I go too fast. It’s really a feeling of anxiety, which is, like, my shoulders are tense. I can go through, like, physically, what’s happening in my body. But I just stop. I just… it’s like, okay, I recognize it so early now.
Laurie Graham 13:58
And I just want to say, this isn’t easy work to do. If you’ve denied your own capacity for years—which sometimes is past decades, right?
Becky Brown 14:08
Like, we’ve talked about how you and I do a whole lot tired. It’s not like we’re saying, “Oh, I’m tired, I’m just gonna stop living today.” We’ve got two young kids at home; they don’t stop when I’m tired.
Laurie Graham 14:20
Well, and let’s push into boundaries here. Is it Felicia who talked to you about the Sunday Sabbath? Can you share that story a little bit?
Becky Brown 14:29
Okay, Felicia Masonheimer. She’s been talking about, or she recently talked about, how she and her husband view taking Sunday as their Sabbath. She was talking about some of the comments she gets as an influencer when she talks about that, and people say, “Oh, that must be nice to have the space to be able to take Sundays off. I don’t have that.”
Becky Brown 14:51
And her response was, “Neither do I. I Sabbath my Sunday. It is an act of trust, trusting the Lord. It is a choice to trust that, even though my to-do list is so stinking long and not ending anytime soon, I am going to trust the Lord that those things will get done when they can get done, and I am going to honor Him by taking this day of rest that He designed as a gift for us.” And there is a lot of open-handed trust. I love that. Yes, absolutely.
Becky Brown 15:24
I feel like there was something along the way where it’s, what did I say that made you think, yes, that this was easy for me, or that I just have natural space in my schedule for this? Like, of course, it makes sense to take Sundays off.
Laurie Graham 15:37
Yeah, I love thinking of the tension the whole way through. And I know as we walk into building boundaries and stuff through the podcast here, for me, one of the boundaries that I set now that is still such a struggle is I stop working even when I’m behind.
Becky Brown 15:57
You have been doing that you’re right.
Laurie Graham 16:00
It just about kills me, because I am—clearly, it’s not a surprise—I’m ADHD. I’m super creative. I have more ideas than I can ever, you know, and there are a few things that I have over-promised, and that is not my normal functioning or how I want to live. Typically, I under-promise and over-deliver. That’s my MO: under-promise, over-deliver. I love that as a life motto—in relationships, and parenting, and in financial generosity. How cool is that to under-promise and over-deliver? Right?
Laurie Graham 16:34
But there are a few things that I’ve put out there that I am behind on, and it’s really easy for me to go into a shame space. And one of my boundaries that I’ve set recently—well, I don’t know how long have I been working toward this? Probably over the past six months, maybe a year—I do it more and more. I stop working when I’m tired in the evenings. I don’t push through. I say, “Hey, what’s reasonable here?” Becky likes to say, “It’s not brain surgery, Laurie. Nobody’s relying on you for their life’s breath,” right?
Laurie Graham 17:02
But it’s just, it’s stopping. It’s taking a full day and saying, “Yeah, I am behind. I have all this to do, and I’m still going to take care of myself, because spinning out isn’t helping, right?”
Becky Brown 17:14
Okay, let’s hone in on that word that you just mentioned. You just mentioned care. And boundaries are not about control; they are about care. They’re kind of a way to give some structure to our emotional health and create some space for that creativity to come out, to flow, to breathe more easily. And boundaries also accept the reality of your circumstances and they help you to function well within them. They acknowledge the elephant; boundaries acknowledge the elephant and respond to the elephant with care. It’s not about stealing good things from you or stealing good things for somebody else, or about selfishness, like, “I just want to live the way I want.” It’s about care, and there’s a lot there.
Laurie Graham 18:02
Yeah, there’s a lot. You just connected something for me, because in Small Church Ministry, the other business/ministry that I run, we’ve been talking a lot about boundaries. We just had a really important conference called Lead Well for women in small churches, and I have been talking about boundaries—that they are not to push somebody away, or build a wall, or make the relationship worse or more distant. Boundaries exist so we can have better relationships. Like, “Hey, I want to have a good relationship with you. This is not working, so if this gets like this, I’m going to do this.” It’s not about building distance or separating; it’s about bringing things together in a healthier way. And that’s what you’re saying about our businesses, too. My boundary in business is not about my business not being important; I’m pushing it away. It’s about my business is so important—because I mean, I personally feel kind of called to have an impact in the world, right? Yeah. So my business is so important that I want it to be healthy and I want it to fit with my life that I believe God is calling me to live. Does that make sense?
Becky Brown 19:04
Absolutely. And when we bring God into the picture, let’s talk about one we’ve been talking about: living surrendered. What does that look like? A lot of stillness and abiding, and asking Him for help and listening for His responses. That takes us slowing down. That doesn’t take a rush, rush, rush, hurry, more, work harder, power through things. That takes us to stop and tune back into His heart.
Laurie Graham 19:30
And as we mentioned earlier, this is not easy. Nothing Becky and I talk about is ever going to be like, “Oh, this was so easy for me,” right? It’s always a tension. But I want to ask you, Becky, like, with boundaries, it has to do with saying no—either to people or to demands around us, or to things in our business, like saying no to ourselves: “I was going to do this.” Do you ever still struggle with guilt or that feeling of failure that comes with saying no? Talk about that a little bit. Does that still happen for you, and how does that work?
Becky Brown 20:02
Always. Always. I mean, what I just said about boundaries protecting other people, that’s something I have to remind myself often, because boundaries still feel selfish to me. They still feel self-serving, and I am a recovering people-pleaser. It is tough to say no when somebody else really wants me to say yes. It is tough. And I will say the only thing that has probably made that easier is practicing. Like, “Okay, I said no to them once, and the world didn’t end, and my relationship wasn’t totally severed, and I didn’t make them angry.” All these underlying, unconscious fears that I have didn’t come true. And so, let’s try it again. It’s just been practice. But, and honestly, that reminder to myself that boundaries are also protecting the other person from my bitterness, from my burnout, from things. They are protecting the other person as well. And, yeah, they aren’t selfish. They serve everybody involved. It’s a very symbiotic thing. And like you said earlier, it is a protection on your relationships against bitterness, resentment, burnout, all the things.
Laurie Graham 21:12
Yeah, yeah. And it also makes everything better. So as we’re talking about burnout, let’s connect this. If you’re feeling like things are too much, we’re getting burnt out, or we realize we have anxiety, or things aren’t fitting well in your life, boundaries basically can protect us from burnout. Sometimes boundaries are reactive, or I should say, responsive, right? “This is happening, I need a boundary.” But other times they’re preemptive. That’s why people have a Sabbath day; we’re putting a boundary in place before that happens.
Laurie Graham 21:45
As we’re being sensitive to, “Oh my, this is too much for me,” some of the feelings are overwhelm or “I want somebody to tell me what to do.” Those are some big flags. That’s when I know I’m past my limit, or my capacity is shrinking. I feel overwhelmed. I need somebody to tell me what to do. I’m not sure what to do next, which isn’t true. We can talk about how sometimes we spin out. But those boundaries help us. I’m trying to connect the boundaries and the burnout. The boundaries are either preemptive, or they’re really responsive, but the output is better when we don’t push through. When we’re burnt out, the business output is better. The content I produce is so much better when it comes out of a rested, creative place, right? My relationships are so much better when I’m taking care of myself, like when you talked about care.
Becky Brown 21:45
Yeah, and I love that you keep bringing in the Sabbath, because I think it’s a really clear picture for us of boundaries, and how boundaries give you breathing room, and that consistency—the steady, sustainable work ethic that comes from rhythms that match your real life, not somebody else’s. We’re going to keep telling you: the boundaries acknowledge your real-life circumstance. And they say you can trust God here too. You can trust Him here too.
Laurie Graham 23:14
Okay, I want you to repeat that phrase you said about consistency, the steady, sustainable work ethic, because you said something really key there.
Becky Brown 23:22
Yeah. So, consistency—that steady, sustainable work ethic that comes from rhythms that match your real life, not somebody else’s.
Laurie Graham 23:34
Yeah. So this is the myth, right? Because I love that you just linked consistency to rhythms, because rhythms are not this… it’s not the same thing every day. A rhythm is like… I can picture a rhythm up and down, or there’s a cycle, there’s, you know, whatever. A rhythm is not a flat line. I love that you just said that consistency comes from rhythms that match your real life. Because there’s this myth that consistency means doing the same thing every day, forever. Yes? Like when you said steady, sustainable work ethic, what my brain went to is an eight-hour workday or a ten-hour workday. Yeah, that’s what consistency is. That’s what a steady work ethic is. And you are flipping the tables on that. Did you know that?
Becky Brown 24:16
I didn’t, but I agree with you. I’m just nodding over here.
Laurie Graham 24:21
Consistency doesn’t mean the same thing every day. Real consistency is showing up faithfully in your season. I think it’s honoring not only the person God created me to be, but the people and the situations and the things around us. How can we possibly work a ten-hour workday when our best friend just went in the hospital or just got a diagnosis for her mother? I think this is… Becky, this is what we’re talking about: smart, soulful business. Yeah, this is the connection. Can you think of a season where your rhythms shifted? Like, you already had a rhythm, but I know you already talked about your insomnia as well, which is a huge, huge part of your story. But maybe family or health, or… yeah, when did the rhythm shift, but you still had to keep your business steady? Because, let’s throw this out there, we’re also not telling anyone who’s listening, “Oh, just throw your business goals to the wind,” because you and I wouldn’t be successful if we did that. That’s not what we’re saying.
Becky Brown 25:26
That’s not what we’re saying. And I will also say this stuff happens daily. You know, stuff with my friends comes up daily. Somebody from our church passed away two days ago. Like, big things are happening. So sorry. I know it’s really sad, and happy that he’s with Jesus—both. And these things happen all the time, every day.
Becky Brown 25:45
But I would say the bigger, more recent one that I can think of for that question was just the summer. My kids don’t have school over the summer, and my work is still the same over the summer, but I am a full-time mom all of a sudden. So I have one who doesn’t nap anymore. And so that means that was three months of way less work time, way less quiet as well, and the same business expectations.
Becky Brown 26:15
My response to that was, yeah, some frustration—some frustration of, “Ah, I can’t work the same way I’ve been working,” and, “Like, I had a good rhythm,” and, ugh, some grief and letting go of that, and some challenge of, “Okay, how can I get creative here? This is the capacity I have. This is the space I have. This is the time I have.”
Becky Brown 26:33
I think we’re really good at sitting in all the things that we can’t do. That list gets really long, really fast. And so I was challenging myself with the question, “Okay, what can I do? Here’s the time I have. What can I do?” I protected that work time fiercely. You know, I usually put my phone on Do Not Disturb during my kids’ nap time and quiet time hours, and that is work time. I did more planning on my phone in little pockets of time, and I asked my husband for a few pockets of work time on some weekends that I don’t normally do. I prioritized some tasks, and that also meant that some things just didn’t get done, and it didn’t kill my business. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. So, struggles and challenges.
Becky Brown 27:23
Okay, I know that one of the things that you bring up to me a lot is you admire my discipline, which is really nice. I show up, I do the things. But I want to ask you, how do you tell the difference between a lack of discipline and a genuine capacity change, because we talk about this a lot.
Laurie Graham 27:44
We do. So discipline is a hard one for me. I’m pretty self-deprecating, right? I can go into the “worm theology” and Romans and “I’m the worst of all sinners,” and like, I think a lot of my young adult years, when I look back at my journals—which I think some of them I’ve thrown out—I’ve ripped pages out of my journal because I thought God was saying these things to me, but He wasn’t. They were so harsh. It wasn’t like God was saying you’re terrible, but it was pretty… I was really harsh with myself, right?
Laurie Graham 28:16
So when you talk about telling the difference between a lack of discipline for me and a genuine capacity change, honestly, you tell me that I’m okay. Yeah, you tell me that I’m okay. And I think there’s some community and connection there. Because, yes, and if you’re listening and you’re not part of our Soulful Strategy Facebook community yet, our membership is so affordable—it’s nine bucks a month—and we’re just there to cheer people on and say you’re okay. Like, you’re okay.
Laurie Graham 28:46
And Becky, you have been that for me, because I’ll be like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m not getting this done.” And you’re like, “Laurie, Laurie, you’re such a hard worker. You’re not a lazy person. You want to be working.” That’s how we know that something else is going on here.
Laurie Graham 29:00
But I really do believe for me, connection, community, friendship—I just think of the Body of Christ and how God created us for connection. Because if I didn’t have people like you or Charmaine, or other people in my life speaking grace to me, I don’t know that I would have that as much. I think I’d still be a machine, or trying to be a machine, probably with breaking gears here and there, and taking myself into the shop now and then, and just pushing through. And I don’t think I’d have such a full life. I don’t think I’d have the relationships I have. I have needed human beings who love Jesus speaking grace to me, because I’m not good at that for myself.
Laurie Graham 29:47
I don’t know if that’s where you wanted me to go with that question, but that’s like, that’s where, you know, boundaries and burnout and this is all so hooked to our souls, right? Like our health.
Becky Brown 30:04
And I think we all need somebody to challenge the voice in our heads, which is very often naturally deprecating. I struggle with insecurity like crazy, and you speak against it, and I’m kind of like, “Oh, wait, you don’t think that about me too?” And it’s still kind of a mind-blowing thing often when you say those things.
Laurie Graham 30:23
Well, you and I had that discussion earlier this morning when we Marco’d. I said, “Becky, this isn’t a day for you to make that decision or even think about it. Yes, you didn’t sleep well.” And I think we’re called to do that for each other. I think that’s such a good thing. We need people in our life speaking grace to us. I didn’t know everybody was self-deprecating. I thought that was really just a me thing, but you just said, “We all do that.”
Becky Brown 30:52
From everybody that I’ve talked to, it seems to be the trend. Maybe that’s just my crowd, but, yeah.
Laurie Graham 30:59
I just feel like everybody lets themselves off the hook, but I don’t. I need other people to do that for me. You know, I think one of the things that we’re talking about here, or maybe highlighting or bringing up to the surface—like a lot of things we’re going to talk about on the podcast, future, past, you know, whatever—it’s not like it’s rocket science, or we’re the first ones to say it, right?
But it’s bringing it up to the surface for you and me and whoever’s listening, whoever’s part of this community. I think one of the things we’re bringing up to the surface is that consistency doesn’t have to look the same every day.
Your work ethic is not going to look the same every day because we have full lives. We’re talking about being flexible with what God’s bringing to us—like not forcing things, right?
Becky Brown 31:47
Yes, absolutely. Yeah. We’re talking about operating from a place of attunement. Ooh, love that. Yeah, operating from a place of attunement with God, with our emotions, with our season, our situations, our experience of everything around us, our businesses—attunement. Yeah.
Laurie Graham 32:08
Yeah, yeah. And this is where we admit we’re not machines, right? Yeah. So when faith and boundaries and rhythms work together, consistency becomes natural. But again, I just don’t want anybody hearing consistency looks the same every day. Yeah, because at least in our lives, it doesn’t. We’re multifaceted people: we’re mind, body, soul, spirit, relational. This is how God created us to be. He did not put us in little boxes. I think sometimes we think balance and we think “the work bucket,” “the God bucket,” “the relational bucket”—it’s a mix. But I do think when faith and boundaries and rhythms work together, consistency feels natural, not really pressured.
Laurie Graham 32:50
So, okay, we’re over time, so let’s just do a quick wrap-up. Becky and I are also super committed—we talk about this a lot. We want to leave you with a powerful action that you can take every single week. Learn and do, learn and do. That’s how Becky and I practiced our business the whole time. We can’t just consume. We need to create, to learn and do, and learn and do. Here’s what we talked about so far.
Laurie Graham 33:13
We talked about capacity shifts with your season. Pay attention before you hit empty.
Laurie Graham 33:19
We talked that boundaries protect our peace, our energy, our creativity. I hope we talked about that enough. There will be future podcasts about that as well.
Laurie Graham 33:26
We talked about consistency being built on aligned rhythms, not being super rigid or forceful.
Laurie Graham 33:34
And, you know, faith and emotional health really help us grow at a steady human pace.
Becky Brown 33:42
It’s a powerful thing to allow ourselves to be human and not machines, right? So that is what we learned today.
Becky Brown 33:53
Let’s talk about what you are going to do with what you learned. Okay, so first, we want to ask you to name your current season. It could fit into a bunch of different broad categories. Maybe you’re in a rebuilding season, maybe you’re in a recovering or a healing season, maybe you’re in a reimagining season. There are all kinds of names that you could throw out there for this. But after you name your current season, we want you to take one of these three actions that I’m about to give you to protect your capacity and to stay consistent.
Becky Brown 34:25
So number one, rework one system that’s just too heavy for your current season. It could be simplifying your posting schedule. It could be automating a task. It could be cutting down on your meetings—whatever that looks like for you. That’s option number one.
Becky Brown 34:44
We love talking about containers. I love this. So, decide what time of day you truly have that focus for your business, and protect it fiercely, like I was talking about. Turn on “Do Not Disturb,” whatever you need to do. Go to Panera like Laurie does sometimes. Whatever you need to do, name your work window and protect it fiercely. Add one replenishing rhythm. It could be a mid-week walk. It could be a “no meetings” morning. It could be a slower start on Mondays, where you build in a quiet time.
Becky Brown 35:17
There are lots of ways to live these three things out, but those are your three options for action steps: rework a system, name your work window, or add a replenishing rhythm into your flow.
Becky Brown 35:28
So I want you to write it down right now.
Becky Brown 35:38
Check in after a week: is it helping you stay more consistent? Is it helping you stay more calm? And if not, tweak it, because healthy consistency is built by paying attention. And if it’s not working for you, don’t try to make it work—just tweak it so it does work.
Laurie Graham 35:57
Yeah, you know, before we go, I just want to let everybody know, wherever you’re listening from, if you have a certain topic you want us to cover, Becky and I have probably hundreds of topics that are on our list, but we can do them in any order. So, we know we’re just getting this podcast started, so there isn’t like a big backup of things. So, if you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I need to start a podcast,” or, like we mentioned, “Becky’s, you know, postpartum,” like, “You already had a plan for taking time off”—let us know what topics you’re really rooting for. And obviously, in the Soulful Strategy Facebook community, we can be talking about them weekly. But we also want to honor your topics on the podcast as well. If there’s something that you’re in a season of and you need to hear from that, we will completely speak into that.
Laurie Graham 36:40
Becky, where can they email us to give us a topic?
Becky Brown 36:45
Hello@smartsoulfulbusiness.com—send us your ideas, and we will take them and record for you.
Laurie Graham 36:53
Awesome. And if you’re ready to build a business, like going with this podcast topic, that honors your capacity while still growing strong, we also are building a PDF resource for every podcast episode we have. It’s in the link in the show notes, but we created a Boundaries and Balance in Business Worksheet. (That’s a mouthful, “Boundaries and Balance in Business Worksheet.”) This free PDF will walk you through how to map your current season, name your capacity, and adjust your rhythm. So basically, it takes Becky’s action step that she shared and puts it on paper for you to have a little journal sheet with it. But the link for that is in the show notes, so be sure to grab that. Again, it’s going to help you learn and do, learn and do and practice what we’re talking about and putting things into action.
Becky Brown 37:36
Yes, and if you want to keep building with us, like building a business in Christian community with other Christian entrepreneurs, building their businesses with encouragement and accountability and systems that actually fit real life and these varied seasons we’re talking about, please come join our membership: Soulful Strategy. Like Laurie said earlier, it’s super affordable, and it’s just where we combine all of these things that we tend to separate: faith, emotional health, and smart business coming together in a way that actually makes it sustainable for your life.
Laurie Graham 38:10
And I had somebody ask me this week, “Why are you ending your show with ‘Go Team’? Are you guys like, into sports or something?” So I just want to talk about that for a second, because we’re signing off our podcast with “Go Team,” and I want to tell you why. Becky and I say this to each other all the time. We get into all these conversations, and then it’s really hard. Do you ever get into a great conversation and you just don’t know how to end the phone call? Becky and my phone calls… because when we were running our businesses—again, this is our first venture we’ve done together, really, right? I mean, yeah, other than privately encouraging each other and, you know, giving each other kudos and helping each other resource sometimes—but before we ever started working together, we called each other just to stay sane, like two solo entrepreneurs.
Laurie Graham 38:56
I’ve never wanted to be a solopreneur, figuring it out in different corners of the internet, trying to piece together what fits in the business world and with our faith. And I think I felt more alone than Becky did because she had a business partner for a lot of the time, you know what I mean. But I just felt so alone all the time, like I’m just on my own. And so, we started at the end of our calls, one of us would say, “Okay, Go Team.” And, you know, we would respond with “Go Team.” And it was just such a beautiful reminder that we weren’t doing this alone. And so that’s why we decided to end our podcast with that. But I probably should explain that. Some people don’t get it. We’re literally saying we’re on your team. You might be listening on the treadmill. You might be at your day job, when you’re supposed to actually be doing something, and you’re listening to this right now in your ears. We want you to know you’re not alone. I don’t want anybody to feel like that. It’s a terrible way to feel.
Becky Brown 39:47
So our “Go Team” at the end, it’s our way of bringing you into our support system. It’s our way of saying the same thing to you: whatever season that you are in, whatever you’re building, you’re not alone. We are in it with you.
Becky Brown 40:00
So, Go, Team!
Laurie Graham 40:03
Go, team!
Becky Brown 0:01
If you’re a Christian woman building a business and want it to be purposeful and profitable, we’ve got you covered. I’m Becky.
Laurie Graham 0:08
And I’m Laurie. We have both built successful businesses that we love without losing our faith, humor, or our sanity. This is Smart, Soulful Business.
Becky Brown 0:17
Real conversations to help your business fit your life and not the other way around.
Laurie Graham 0:21
Hey, hey, welcome back to smart, soulful business with Becky and Laurie. I’m Laurie.
Becky Brown 0:31
And I’m Becky. Together, we’re figuring out how to grow a business that actually fits your life—with faith, with purpose, and at a pace that doesn’t burn you out.
Laurie Graham 0:41
You know, as we talk about burnout today, I just want to say it doesn’t always show up in dramatic ways. Sometimes burnout is really subtle: the late-night overthinking that you’re going to push through, or even realizing you’ve run out of emotional margin, but you keep showing up. So, burnout doesn’t have to be dramatic, as we jump into this topic today.
Becky Brown 1:02
It’s so true, and a lot of us were never taught how to pace ourselves when it comes to business, and when it comes to life, and faith, and all of those things colliding in one place. It’s not just about doing less; it’s about learning your capacity and working within it.
Laurie Graham 1:20
Exactly. And today, we’re going to talk about how to build a business that protects your energy and honors the season that you’re in. Becky and I talk about this a lot, whether you’re raising littles, walking through big life changes, or if you’re just plain tired.
Laurie Graham 1:34
Now, Becky, I feel like we just jumped into this without any context to what our podcast is even about! Sometimes, you all, wherever you’re listening from, Becky and I, we just talk before we hit record. If you’re coming in new, Becky and I started this podcast, Smart, Soulful Business, for Christian women building businesses, no matter where you’re at, because we are still in it. Both of us have been running businesses for a few years—not just what you’re listening to now, we have things on the side that are much bigger than what you’re actually listening to right now—but we decided to come together because we see all those struggles out there. We wish there had been more of us when we started, right? Like somebody that was really speaking into the faith edge, but in a smart way. Becky, do you want to add anything else as an intro? I realized we just jumped the gun and started talking about burnout.
Becky Brown 2:27
Yeah, well, and I think the most important thing to know is that we’re both in it.
Becky Brown 2:32
I mean, I am raising two littles, and I don’t have capacity. I don’t have extra time. I don’t have space for this business and these businesses in my life. And yet, we’re figuring this out, and we’re successful in doing this thing. It’s not perfect, but we are figuring out, like you said, there are not a lot of resources out there that acknowledge that business doesn’t happen in a bubble.
Becky Brown 2:59
Your faith is not in a separate category than your business and your life, your kids, your other ministries. These things are not in separate boxes; they’re intertwined. And we just wanted to acknowledge all of those things in one place and talk about balance. It’s not this perfect place that you’re going to hit, but we just wanted to address it and talk about it.
Laurie Graham 3:21
And I love that you even just kind of went there with the whole faith and Jesus stuff. Because in my other business, I talk a lot about Jesus frosting. I hate Jesus frosting. And recently, somebody said, “What do you mean by that? What are you talking about?” because I just throw it around, like toxic positivity or throwing Scripture verses on things.
Laurie Graham 3:40
But I think it fits to kind of just unpack that for a minute here before we jump into burnout. Because one thing is that when we say we’re Christians, or we’re talking to Christian women, a lot of times people are looking for a Bible study or all the Scripture fixes, right? And you’re not really going to hear that from Becky and I. You’re going to hear Scripture. You’re going to hear us talk about our faith and how much we love Jesus, but you’re going to hear a lot of smart business strategy. And I think the way I said this to somebody the other day when they asked me is, for me, Jesus is already baked in.
Becky Brown 4:11
I love that!
Laurie Graham 4:13
Everything as we talk, as we share, as we ask questions, like Jesus is a given because He’s already in the dough—He’s baked in, yeah.
Laurie Graham 4:22
And so I think that’s one of my desires: that that would always be apparent, even if you and I aren’t leading people through a Bible study today—of “Exodus says this,” and “Psalm says this,” and “This is how you’re supposed to run your business.”
Laurie Graham 4:33
Please understand that wherever you’re listening from, Becky and I love Jesus deeply. We love the Word deeply. We take Scripture very seriously. We take our faith really seriously. And we’re going to talk about business.
Laurie Graham 4:48
All right, anything else, Becky, before I jump in?
Becky Brown 4:51
No, that sounds great. Let’s do it.
Laurie Graham 4:52
Okay, cool. All right.
Laurie Graham 4:56
We’re talking about burnout today because it’s common, it’s normal, and it’s not always a dramatic thing. It’s something that most people—I think I could say this—most people, in general, whether you have a business, a family, or you’re involved heavily in church ministry, there’s a subtle, almost lurking tension. We’re always on the edge of capacity, and sometimes over it. So, as we talk about burnout, I think this applies to every one of us all the time, and that’s why we’re talking about this.
Laurie Graham 5:31
Most burnout actually starts because we stop noticing what our bodies and our emotions are honestly already telling us. We get into this autopilot and just stop noticing things. This is because our capacity isn’t fixed. I think this is one of the things that we’ll talk about throughout this episode. We feel like we have this flat line, like we can plan our schedule and our capacity is just what it is.
Laurie Graham 5:56
This is so not true. It shifts with our seasons. It shifts with our sleep. It shifts with stress, with relationships, with what your neighbor just did, with a dog barking. Our capacity is dynamic; it changes all the time.
Laurie Graham 6:12
And so I think it’s really important to understand that burnout really slips in when we stop noticing our own capacity, which is apparent in our body, with our emotions, and with how we’re thinking. And we stop noticing it.
Laurie Graham 6:29
But, Becky, let’s get super practical. What is one time that you realized your capacity had changed, but your expectations hadn’t changed with your capacity? Does that question make sense to you?
Becky Brown 6:44
Yeah, absolutely. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And I mean, I think I have a pretty dramatic example. This is a really important part of my story in this season.
Becky Brown 6:54
When I got pregnant with my first son a little over six years ago, I got hit with debilitating insomnia; my body just kind of stopped sleeping. (I wrote the whole story in a post on my blog, if you want to find it on So Very Blessed, just search for “insomnia.”)
Becky Brown 7:09
It was pretty dramatic. I had a lot of 20-minute nights and [was thinking], “How am I going to survive another day, Lord? What is this? How am I even going to live, much less run multiple businesses?”
Becky Brown 7:23
During that pregnancy, I was not only keeping up with multiple businesses, but I was also prepping for my postpartum leave of those businesses so that I could take some time off with my newborn. I was running a membership. I was writing and scheduling blog posts. I was writing and scheduling emails ahead of time. I had customer service emails. I was designing T-shirts. I had this long list of things that—my business demands didn’t change, even though my capacity greatly diminished overnight.
Becky Brown 7:57
It was really hard. I am a planner. I like predictability and knowing what’s coming and being prepared for what’s coming, and there was no way to prepare for this insomnia that hit me so drastically and changed my life so drastically. It changed every relationship. It changed my business. It changed everything in my life, instantly, and there was no way to prepare for that. That really threw me, and I didn’t know how to manage it well.
Becky Brown 8:23
In my business, I didn’t know… I’m a pretty structured, disciplined person, and so I kept trying to kind of function like insomnia wasn’t there. I kept trying to do the same thing I was doing pre-insomnia, and it didn’t work.
Becky Brown 8:44
Didn’t work.
Laurie Graham 8:45
Okay, this is so interesting as you share this because I think you got this piece of varying capacity and planning before I did. You taught me this. So it’s funny to hear you say, “I was hanging out on my plan.” I was, because you’re the one who started telling me, “Yeah, maybe don’t plan for a whole quarter; maybe detail plan for this week, because we don’t know what’s happening.” And I pushed back on that a lot with you. I’m like, “No, I’m gonna have my plan.” And so, even though you were going through all that, you still taught me this ahead of time, before I caught it.
Laurie Graham 9:19
And I think even as you’re talking, I have like… so, just jot these down, Becky, because you keep track of this. I have like, other podcast episodes coming up. I’m like, “You’re gonna have to do, we’re gonna have to do a whole podcast episode about planning your postpartum break,” because you did that. You were a rock star; you and other women need to hear that.
Laurie Graham 9:38
And I think also, our cycles vary on certain weeks. Literally, biologically, we are more creative versus more grounded, versus more relational, versus more tender, versus more… you know, like. And I think those are such big pieces as we talk about capacity. Absolutely, they are. And I think the big thing, just if you’re listening right now, is to understand your capacity changes. Yeah, and I think that’s a gift. I don’t think it’s a… I think sometimes I look at things like, “Oh, it’s such a limitation. I hate, yeah, I’m so frustrated by that,” you know. And I think if we could see that as a gift… What were you going to say? Like, why is this a gift?
Becky Brown 10:21
Like, yeah, and I think that you have to pair it with recognizing it. You talked about this earlier: it’s noticing. You have to notice.
Becky Brown 10:31
We’re really good in this society about minimizing and ignoring things. So we think, “Oh, I’m going to put on the ‘Jesus frosting,’ and I’m going to paste a smile on my face. I’m going to say, ‘Jesus is good,’ and I’m just going to function like usual,” like this big, huge elephant in the room is not here.
Becky Brown 10:49
That is not how we’re called to live. We’re called to recognize the elephant in the room, to name the elephant in the room, and to say, “Jesus, this elephant is too big for me. Can you please help me? I don’t even know how to navigate this.”
Becky Brown 11:04
It’s this living surrendered that is how we’re called to live in our businesses, too, and in our lives, as our capacity shifts. We were not meant to do it all on our own, which for somebody highly structured, disciplined, and planned, that is a tough thing to get through to me, because discipline makes us feel like we can do it on our own sometimes, and it’s not true.
Laurie Graham 11:27
Yeah, and I am a “push through, suck it up, get it done” person—or I have been in my past—and that has shifted a lot, you know.
Laurie Graham 11:34
One word that was popping in my mind while you were speaking is begrudging. I begrudge it when my capacity shifts. I think when we learn to embrace that, this is where we get soulful business—not just smart business, but smart and soulful business.
Laurie Graham 11:51
I know this week in my life, I wanted to spend some time talking with somebody, and they’re like, “No, no, no, don’t put off your to-do list for this.” And I’m like, “No, this is more important.” This relationship, this conversation, trumps my business. It’s more important; it’s worth putting off my schedule
Laurie Graham 12:14
I think once we recognize that our capacity is shifting, and it’s a gift—don’t begrudge it. Our capacity is changing, our priorities are shifting, something’s happening. Then we can start setting boundaries that support it, instead of expecting ourselves to function like machines, right?
Becky Brown 12:33
And that is something that you have really helped me with, because you see it. I talk to Laurie almost every day of the week—well, every day of the week—and it helps to have somebody reflect back to you.
Becky Brown 12:47
Living on those 20-minute nights, I mean, I was living at my edge. I was living at my breakdown point for years, and I’m still living with crazy insomnia. I’m just not living at the breakdown, fragile point anymore. But you were the one that helped me recognize, “Hey, you’re getting close. What are you going to do differently? How are you going to take care of yourself today?”
Becky Brown 13:08
And I actually want to ask you that now. What are the signs for you? How do you know when you’re nearing your edge—when it’s time to slow down before it gets to the unhealthy thing that I just described, like just functioning like this huge elephant isn’t there? Yeah.
Laurie Graham 13:25
You know, it’s so easy for me to recognize now. And I think I spent fifty years of my life just pushing through and, and, you know, getting everything done around me—over-functioning.
Laurie Graham 13:34
And I recognize immediately, all the time, I just feel anxious. I start spinning. I go too fast. It’s really a feeling of anxiety, which is, like, my shoulders are tense. I can go through, like, physically, what’s happening in my body. But I just stop. I just… it’s like, okay, I recognize it so early now.
Laurie Graham 13:58
And I just want to say, this isn’t easy work to do. If you’ve denied your own capacity for years—which sometimes is past decades, right?
Becky Brown 14:08
Like, we’ve talked about how you and I do a whole lot tired. It’s not like we’re saying, “Oh, I’m tired, I’m just gonna stop living today.” We’ve got two young kids at home; they don’t stop when I’m tired.
Laurie Graham 14:20
Well, and let’s push into boundaries here. Is it Felicia who talked to you about the Sunday Sabbath? Can you share that story a little bit?
Becky Brown 14:29
Okay, Felicia Masonheimer. She’s been talking about, or she recently talked about, how she and her husband view taking Sunday as their Sabbath. She was talking about some of the comments she gets as an influencer when she talks about that, and people say, “Oh, that must be nice to have the space to be able to take Sundays off. I don’t have that.”
Becky Brown 14:51
And her response was, “Neither do I. I Sabbath my Sunday. It is an act of trust, trusting the Lord. It is a choice to trust that, even though my to-do list is so stinking long and not ending anytime soon, I am going to trust the Lord that those things will get done when they can get done, and I am going to honor Him by taking this day of rest that He designed as a gift for us.” And there is a lot of open-handed trust. I love that. Yes, absolutely.
Becky Brown 15:24
I feel like there was something along the way where it’s, what did I say that made you think, yes, that this was easy for me, or that I just have natural space in my schedule for this? Like, of course, it makes sense to take Sundays off.
Laurie Graham 15:37
Yeah, I love thinking of the tension the whole way through. And I know as we walk into building boundaries and stuff through the podcast here, for me, one of the boundaries that I set now that is still such a struggle is I stop working even when I’m behind.
Becky Brown 15:57
You have been doing that you’re right.
Laurie Graham 16:00
It just about kills me, because I am—clearly, it’s not a surprise—I’m ADHD. I’m super creative. I have more ideas than I can ever, you know, and there are a few things that I have over-promised, and that is not my normal functioning or how I want to live. Typically, I under-promise and over-deliver. That’s my MO: under-promise, over-deliver. I love that as a life motto—in relationships, and parenting, and in financial generosity. How cool is that to under-promise and over-deliver? Right?
Laurie Graham 16:34
But there are a few things that I’ve put out there that I am behind on, and it’s really easy for me to go into a shame space. And one of my boundaries that I’ve set recently—well, I don’t know how long have I been working toward this? Probably over the past six months, maybe a year—I do it more and more. I stop working when I’m tired in the evenings. I don’t push through. I say, “Hey, what’s reasonable here?” Becky likes to say, “It’s not brain surgery, Laurie. Nobody’s relying on you for their life’s breath,” right?
Laurie Graham 17:02
But it’s just, it’s stopping. It’s taking a full day and saying, “Yeah, I am behind. I have all this to do, and I’m still going to take care of myself, because spinning out isn’t helping, right?”
Becky Brown 17:14
Okay, let’s hone in on that word that you just mentioned. You just mentioned care. And boundaries are not about control; they are about care. They’re kind of a way to give some structure to our emotional health and create some space for that creativity to come out, to flow, to breathe more easily. And boundaries also accept the reality of your circumstances and they help you to function well within them. They acknowledge the elephant; boundaries acknowledge the elephant and respond to the elephant with care. It’s not about stealing good things from you or stealing good things for somebody else, or about selfishness, like, “I just want to live the way I want.” It’s about care, and there’s a lot there.
Laurie Graham 18:02
Yeah, there’s a lot. You just connected something for me, because in Small Church Ministry, the other business/ministry that I run, we’ve been talking a lot about boundaries. We just had a really important conference called Lead Well for women in small churches, and I have been talking about boundaries—that they are not to push somebody away, or build a wall, or make the relationship worse or more distant. Boundaries exist so we can have better relationships. Like, “Hey, I want to have a good relationship with you. This is not working, so if this gets like this, I’m going to do this.” It’s not about building distance or separating; it’s about bringing things together in a healthier way. And that’s what you’re saying about our businesses, too. My boundary in business is not about my business not being important; I’m pushing it away. It’s about my business is so important—because I mean, I personally feel kind of called to have an impact in the world, right? Yeah. So my business is so important that I want it to be healthy and I want it to fit with my life that I believe God is calling me to live. Does that make sense?
Becky Brown 19:04
Absolutely. And when we bring God into the picture, let’s talk about one we’ve been talking about: living surrendered. What does that look like? A lot of stillness and abiding, and asking Him for help and listening for His responses. That takes us slowing down. That doesn’t take a rush, rush, rush, hurry, more, work harder, power through things. That takes us to stop and tune back into His heart.
Laurie Graham 19:30
And as we mentioned earlier, this is not easy. Nothing Becky and I talk about is ever going to be like, “Oh, this was so easy for me,” right? It’s always a tension. But I want to ask you, Becky, like, with boundaries, it has to do with saying no—either to people or to demands around us, or to things in our business, like saying no to ourselves: “I was going to do this.” Do you ever still struggle with guilt or that feeling of failure that comes with saying no? Talk about that a little bit. Does that still happen for you, and how does that work?
Becky Brown 20:02
Always. Always. I mean, what I just said about boundaries protecting other people, that’s something I have to remind myself often, because boundaries still feel selfish to me. They still feel self-serving, and I am a recovering people-pleaser. It is tough to say no when somebody else really wants me to say yes. It is tough. And I will say the only thing that has probably made that easier is practicing. Like, “Okay, I said no to them once, and the world didn’t end, and my relationship wasn’t totally severed, and I didn’t make them angry.” All these underlying, unconscious fears that I have didn’t come true. And so, let’s try it again. It’s just been practice. But, and honestly, that reminder to myself that boundaries are also protecting the other person from my bitterness, from my burnout, from things. They are protecting the other person as well. And, yeah, they aren’t selfish. They serve everybody involved. It’s a very symbiotic thing. And like you said earlier, it is a protection on your relationships against bitterness, resentment, burnout, all the things.
Laurie Graham 21:12
Yeah, yeah. And it also makes everything better. So as we’re talking about burnout, let’s connect this. If you’re feeling like things are too much, we’re getting burnt out, or we realize we have anxiety, or things aren’t fitting well in your life, boundaries basically can protect us from burnout. Sometimes boundaries are reactive, or I should say, responsive, right? “This is happening, I need a boundary.” But other times they’re preemptive. That’s why people have a Sabbath day; we’re putting a boundary in place before that happens.
Laurie Graham 21:45
As we’re being sensitive to, “Oh my, this is too much for me,” some of the feelings are overwhelm or “I want somebody to tell me what to do.” Those are some big flags. That’s when I know I’m past my limit, or my capacity is shrinking. I feel overwhelmed. I need somebody to tell me what to do. I’m not sure what to do next, which isn’t true. We can talk about how sometimes we spin out. But those boundaries help us. I’m trying to connect the boundaries and the burnout. The boundaries are either preemptive, or they’re really responsive, but the output is better when we don’t push through. When we’re burnt out, the business output is better. The content I produce is so much better when it comes out of a rested, creative place, right? My relationships are so much better when I’m taking care of myself, like when you talked about care.
Becky Brown 21:45
Yeah, and I love that you keep bringing in the Sabbath, because I think it’s a really clear picture for us of boundaries, and how boundaries give you breathing room, and that consistency—the steady, sustainable work ethic that comes from rhythms that match your real life, not somebody else’s. We’re going to keep telling you: the boundaries acknowledge your real-life circumstance. And they say you can trust God here too. You can trust Him here too.
Laurie Graham 23:14
Okay, I want you to repeat that phrase you said about consistency, the steady, sustainable work ethic, because you said something really key there.
Becky Brown 23:22
Yeah. So, consistency—that steady, sustainable work ethic that comes from rhythms that match your real life, not somebody else’s.
Laurie Graham 23:34
Yeah. So this is the myth, right? Because I love that you just linked consistency to rhythms, because rhythms are not this… it’s not the same thing every day. A rhythm is like… I can picture a rhythm up and down, or there’s a cycle, there’s, you know, whatever. A rhythm is not a flat line. I love that you just said that consistency comes from rhythms that match your real life. Because there’s this myth that consistency means doing the same thing every day, forever. Yes? Like when you said steady, sustainable work ethic, what my brain went to is an eight-hour workday or a ten-hour workday. Yeah, that’s what consistency is. That’s what a steady work ethic is. And you are flipping the tables on that. Did you know that?
Becky Brown 24:16
I didn’t, but I agree with you. I’m just nodding over here.
Laurie Graham 24:21
Consistency doesn’t mean the same thing every day. Real consistency is showing up faithfully in your season. I think it’s honoring not only the person God created me to be, but the people and the situations and the things around us. How can we possibly work a ten-hour workday when our best friend just went in the hospital or just got a diagnosis for her mother? I think this is… Becky, this is what we’re talking about: smart, soulful business. Yeah, this is the connection. Can you think of a season where your rhythms shifted? Like, you already had a rhythm, but I know you already talked about your insomnia as well, which is a huge, huge part of your story. But maybe family or health, or… yeah, when did the rhythm shift, but you still had to keep your business steady? Because, let’s throw this out there, we’re also not telling anyone who’s listening, “Oh, just throw your business goals to the wind,” because you and I wouldn’t be successful if we did that. That’s not what we’re saying.
Becky Brown 25:26
That’s not what we’re saying. And I will also say this stuff happens daily. You know, stuff with my friends comes up daily. Somebody from our church passed away two days ago. Like, big things are happening. So sorry. I know it’s really sad, and happy that he’s with Jesus—both. And these things happen all the time, every day.
Becky Brown 25:45
But I would say the bigger, more recent one that I can think of for that question was just the summer. My kids don’t have school over the summer, and my work is still the same over the summer, but I am a full-time mom all of a sudden. So I have one who doesn’t nap anymore. And so that means that was three months of way less work time, way less quiet as well, and the same business expectations.
Becky Brown 26:15
My response to that was, yeah, some frustration—some frustration of, “Ah, I can’t work the same way I’ve been working,” and, “Like, I had a good rhythm,” and, ugh, some grief and letting go of that, and some challenge of, “Okay, how can I get creative here? This is the capacity I have. This is the space I have. This is the time I have.”
Becky Brown 26:33
I think we’re really good at sitting in all the things that we can’t do. That list gets really long, really fast. And so I was challenging myself with the question, “Okay, what can I do? Here’s the time I have. What can I do?” I protected that work time fiercely. You know, I usually put my phone on Do Not Disturb during my kids’ nap time and quiet time hours, and that is work time. I did more planning on my phone in little pockets of time, and I asked my husband for a few pockets of work time on some weekends that I don’t normally do. I prioritized some tasks, and that also meant that some things just didn’t get done, and it didn’t kill my business. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. So, struggles and challenges.
Becky Brown 27:23
Okay, I know that one of the things that you bring up to me a lot is you admire my discipline, which is really nice. I show up, I do the things. But I want to ask you, how do you tell the difference between a lack of discipline and a genuine capacity change, because we talk about this a lot.
Laurie Graham 27:44
We do. So discipline is a hard one for me. I’m pretty self-deprecating, right? I can go into the “worm theology” and Romans and “I’m the worst of all sinners,” and like, I think a lot of my young adult years, when I look back at my journals—which I think some of them I’ve thrown out—I’ve ripped pages out of my journal because I thought God was saying these things to me, but He wasn’t. They were so harsh. It wasn’t like God was saying you’re terrible, but it was pretty… I was really harsh with myself, right?
Laurie Graham 28:16
So when you talk about telling the difference between a lack of discipline for me and a genuine capacity change, honestly, you tell me that I’m okay. Yeah, you tell me that I’m okay. And I think there’s some community and connection there. Because, yes, and if you’re listening and you’re not part of our Soulful Strategy Facebook community yet, our membership is so affordable—it’s nine bucks a month—and we’re just there to cheer people on and say you’re okay. Like, you’re okay.
Laurie Graham 28:46
And Becky, you have been that for me, because I’ll be like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m not getting this done.” And you’re like, “Laurie, Laurie, you’re such a hard worker. You’re not a lazy person. You want to be working.” That’s how we know that something else is going on here.
Laurie Graham 29:00
But I really do believe for me, connection, community, friendship—I just think of the Body of Christ and how God created us for connection. Because if I didn’t have people like you or Charmaine, or other people in my life speaking grace to me, I don’t know that I would have that as much. I think I’d still be a machine, or trying to be a machine, probably with breaking gears here and there, and taking myself into the shop now and then, and just pushing through. And I don’t think I’d have such a full life. I don’t think I’d have the relationships I have. I have needed human beings who love Jesus speaking grace to me, because I’m not good at that for myself.
Laurie Graham 29:47
I don’t know if that’s where you wanted me to go with that question, but that’s like, that’s where, you know, boundaries and burnout and this is all so hooked to our souls, right? Like our health.
Becky Brown 30:04
And I think we all need somebody to challenge the voice in our heads, which is very often naturally deprecating. I struggle with insecurity like crazy, and you speak against it, and I’m kind of like, “Oh, wait, you don’t think that about me too?” And it’s still kind of a mind-blowing thing often when you say those things.
Laurie Graham 30:23
Well, you and I had that discussion earlier this morning when we Marco’d. I said, “Becky, this isn’t a day for you to make that decision or even think about it. Yes, you didn’t sleep well.” And I think we’re called to do that for each other. I think that’s such a good thing. We need people in our life speaking grace to us. I didn’t know everybody was self-deprecating. I thought that was really just a me thing, but you just said, “We all do that.”
Becky Brown 30:52
From everybody that I’ve talked to, it seems to be the trend. Maybe that’s just my crowd, but, yeah.
Laurie Graham 30:59
I just feel like everybody lets themselves off the hook, but I don’t. I need other people to do that for me. You know, I think one of the things that we’re talking about here, or maybe highlighting or bringing up to the surface—like a lot of things we’re going to talk about on the podcast, future, past, you know, whatever—it’s not like it’s rocket science, or we’re the first ones to say it, right?
But it’s bringing it up to the surface for you and me and whoever’s listening, whoever’s part of this community. I think one of the things we’re bringing up to the surface is that consistency doesn’t have to look the same every day.
Your work ethic is not going to look the same every day because we have full lives. We’re talking about being flexible with what God’s bringing to us—like not forcing things, right?
Becky Brown 31:47
Yes, absolutely. Yeah. We’re talking about operating from a place of attunement. Ooh, love that. Yeah, operating from a place of attunement with God, with our emotions, with our season, our situations, our experience of everything around us, our businesses—attunement. Yeah.
Laurie Graham 32:08
Yeah, yeah. And this is where we admit we’re not machines, right? Yeah. So when faith and boundaries and rhythms work together, consistency becomes natural. But again, I just don’t want anybody hearing consistency looks the same every day. Yeah, because at least in our lives, it doesn’t. We’re multifaceted people: we’re mind, body, soul, spirit, relational. This is how God created us to be. He did not put us in little boxes. I think sometimes we think balance and we think “the work bucket,” “the God bucket,” “the relational bucket”—it’s a mix. But I do think when faith and boundaries and rhythms work together, consistency feels natural, not really pressured.
Laurie Graham 32:50
So, okay, we’re over time, so let’s just do a quick wrap-up. Becky and I are also super committed—we talk about this a lot. We want to leave you with a powerful action that you can take every single week. Learn and do, learn and do. That’s how Becky and I practiced our business the whole time. We can’t just consume. We need to create, to learn and do, and learn and do. Here’s what we talked about so far.
Laurie Graham 33:13
We talked about capacity shifts with your season. Pay attention before you hit empty.
Laurie Graham 33:19
We talked that boundaries protect our peace, our energy, our creativity. I hope we talked about that enough. There will be future podcasts about that as well.
Laurie Graham 33:26
We talked about consistency being built on aligned rhythms, not being super rigid or forceful.
Laurie Graham 33:34
And, you know, faith and emotional health really help us grow at a steady human pace.
Becky Brown 33:42
It’s a powerful thing to allow ourselves to be human and not machines, right? So that is what we learned today.
Becky Brown 33:53
Let’s talk about what you are going to do with what you learned. Okay, so first, we want to ask you to name your current season. It could fit into a bunch of different broad categories. Maybe you’re in a rebuilding season, maybe you’re in a recovering or a healing season, maybe you’re in a reimagining season. There are all kinds of names that you could throw out there for this. But after you name your current season, we want you to take one of these three actions that I’m about to give you to protect your capacity and to stay consistent.
Becky Brown 34:25
So number one, rework one system that’s just too heavy for your current season. It could be simplifying your posting schedule. It could be automating a task. It could be cutting down on your meetings—whatever that looks like for you. That’s option number one.
Becky Brown 34:44
We love talking about containers. I love this. So, decide what time of day you truly have that focus for your business, and protect it fiercely, like I was talking about. Turn on “Do Not Disturb,” whatever you need to do. Go to Panera like Laurie does sometimes. Whatever you need to do, name your work window and protect it fiercely. Add one replenishing rhythm. It could be a mid-week walk. It could be a “no meetings” morning. It could be a slower start on Mondays, where you build in a quiet time.
Becky Brown 35:17
There are lots of ways to live these three things out, but those are your three options for action steps: rework a system, name your work window, or add a replenishing rhythm into your flow.
Becky Brown 35:28
So I want you to write it down right now.
Becky Brown 35:38
Check in after a week: is it helping you stay more consistent? Is it helping you stay more calm? And if not, tweak it, because healthy consistency is built by paying attention. And if it’s not working for you, don’t try to make it work—just tweak it so it does work.
Laurie Graham 35:57
Yeah, you know, before we go, I just want to let everybody know, wherever you’re listening from, if you have a certain topic you want us to cover, Becky and I have probably hundreds of topics that are on our list, but we can do them in any order. So, we know we’re just getting this podcast started, so there isn’t like a big backup of things. So, if you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I need to start a podcast,” or, like we mentioned, “Becky’s, you know, postpartum,” like, “You already had a plan for taking time off”—let us know what topics you’re really rooting for. And obviously, in the Soulful Strategy Facebook community, we can be talking about them weekly. But we also want to honor your topics on the podcast as well. If there’s something that you’re in a season of and you need to hear from that, we will completely speak into that.
Laurie Graham 36:40
Becky, where can they email us to give us a topic?
Becky Brown 36:45
Hello@smartsoulfulbusiness.com—send us your ideas, and we will take them and record for you.
Laurie Graham 36:53
Awesome. And if you’re ready to build a business, like going with this podcast topic, that honors your capacity while still growing strong, we also are building a PDF resource for every podcast episode we have. It’s in the link in the show notes, but we created a Boundaries and Balance in Business Worksheet. (That’s a mouthful, “Boundaries and Balance in Business Worksheet.”) This free PDF will walk you through how to map your current season, name your capacity, and adjust your rhythm. So basically, it takes Becky’s action step that she shared and puts it on paper for you to have a little journal sheet with it. But the link for that is in the show notes, so be sure to grab that. Again, it’s going to help you learn and do, learn and do and practice what we’re talking about and putting things into action.
Becky Brown 37:36
Yes, and if you want to keep building with us, like building a business in Christian community with other Christian entrepreneurs, building their businesses with encouragement and accountability and systems that actually fit real life and these varied seasons we’re talking about, please come join our membership: Soulful Strategy. Like Laurie said earlier, it’s super affordable, and it’s just where we combine all of these things that we tend to separate: faith, emotional health, and smart business coming together in a way that actually makes it sustainable for your life.
Laurie Graham 38:10
And I had somebody ask me this week, “Why are you ending your show with ‘Go Team’? Are you guys like, into sports or something?” So I just want to talk about that for a second, because we’re signing off our podcast with “Go Team,” and I want to tell you why. Becky and I say this to each other all the time. We get into all these conversations, and then it’s really hard. Do you ever get into a great conversation and you just don’t know how to end the phone call? Becky and my phone calls… because when we were running our businesses—again, this is our first venture we’ve done together, really, right? I mean, yeah, other than privately encouraging each other and, you know, giving each other kudos and helping each other resource sometimes—but before we ever started working together, we called each other just to stay sane, like two solo entrepreneurs.
Laurie Graham 38:56
I’ve never wanted to be a solopreneur, figuring it out in different corners of the internet, trying to piece together what fits in the business world and with our faith. And I think I felt more alone than Becky did because she had a business partner for a lot of the time, you know what I mean. But I just felt so alone all the time, like I’m just on my own. And so, we started at the end of our calls, one of us would say, “Okay, Go Team.” And, you know, we would respond with “Go Team.” And it was just such a beautiful reminder that we weren’t doing this alone. And so that’s why we decided to end our podcast with that. But I probably should explain that. Some people don’t get it. We’re literally saying we’re on your team. You might be listening on the treadmill. You might be at your day job, when you’re supposed to actually be doing something, and you’re listening to this right now in your ears. We want you to know you’re not alone. I don’t want anybody to feel like that. It’s a terrible way to feel.
Becky Brown 39:47
So our “Go Team” at the end, it’s our way of bringing you into our support system. It’s our way of saying the same thing to you: whatever season that you are in, whatever you’re building, you’re not alone. We are in it with you.
Becky Brown 40:00
So, Go, Team!
Laurie Graham 40:03
Go, team!
